hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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