I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
