How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
