Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
