I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
