She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i have two assholes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
