I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
birth control should be required to get into college
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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