this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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