she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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