It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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