I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
