sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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