Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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