no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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