I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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