I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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