I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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