she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
