I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize