1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.