At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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