It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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