Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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