I wish I only lived at night.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
vagina is talking i cant
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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