remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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