you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
