don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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