everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
