found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
