Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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