At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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