ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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