Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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