Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
