You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
