I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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