Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
