just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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