Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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