I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
