hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
