Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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