i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
