i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
