either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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