I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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