so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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