if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
