You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
