You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
