i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
