I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
