Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
