He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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