Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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