I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
