where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
