I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
