he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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