She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I could fuck to npr.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
