Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
