So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
