3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
