peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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