i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
