it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
