I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
