I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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