i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
