Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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