we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
