new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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