You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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