me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
