i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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