Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
