I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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