So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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