I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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