Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
