totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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