did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize