Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
