Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
