You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
