i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize