i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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