Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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