You're completely useless in the revolution.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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