is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
