You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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