You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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