why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
