Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
